


It's Only the Soberity Talking

by Qpenguin98



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, F/M, Homestuck - Freeform, Sadstuck, Self Harm, TW: Self Harm, dirk roxy, dirkroxy - Freeform, like really, okay these are getting out of hand just read it, prep yourself for some feels, seriously it gets sad, tags yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 06:17:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1335142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>have some dirk roxy feels yo.<br/>Read the thinggg<br/>(I suck at summaries good lord)<br/>also, I guess it's an AU?<br/>Like, LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN AND EVERYONE'S STILL ALIVE<br/>is that an AU?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Only the Soberity Talking

Your head sways as you look at your computer screen. Just one more drink. It’s been your motto since before you can remember. You see a green light pop up and switch your vision to the handle.

timaeusTestified

Your cheeks hurt from the smile. You’ve been waiting all day

    tipsyGnostalgic[TG] began pestering timaeusTestified[TT] at 5:43

TG: drik!

TG: *dirk

TG: wassup my distrizzle

TT: Drunk again.

TT: Of course. Why would I expect any different.

TG: oh dont be like that

TG: i prefer

TG: TIPSY

TG: ayyyyyyyyy

The sigh that assuredly happened is audible in your ears. That could also be the alcohol buzzing your blood, but you’d prefer not to think about that.

TT: So what do you want.

TG: why so serious dirky

TG: lichten up I jusr wanted to cgfat

TG: *you know what i mean

TT: New record.

TT: Three typos in one sentence. Good work.

Ouch. That one hurt. You set your bottle down on the edge of your table for better typing access.

TG: you know what

TG: when youre douchetstic it really makes me wonder why were friends

TG: because i dont wanna deal with this bullshit

TT: Calm down Roxy.

TG: NO

TG: i am sick and yierd of your fucking shit.

TG: you think just because im drunk all the time means i dont know what you mean? That i dont have FEELINGS. Well your teally fucking wrong. There are reasons im always drinking but it looks like that slipped you mind when you decided to start screwing me over

TG: theres a whole fuckton of reasons why I havent succeeded in quiting dirk

TT: Roxy

TG: like you care

You slam you head down in frustration, sending your drink crashing to the ground. You shriek when it breaks. There’s a ding from the computer, but you have to clean this up. You walk to get a rag, stumbling the entire time. You start picking up glass and end up cutting your hand open. A yell turns into a sob as you drag yourself onto your chair. The glass can fucking wait.

TT: Roxy stop.

TT: Look I’m sorry.

TT: I shouldn’t have pushed it.

TT: But Roxy please

TT: Calm down before you hurt yourself.

TG: too late fucktruck

TT: What happened.

TG: broke glass cut my hand

TT: Go wash it

TG: totes already disifreumcted

TG: *disinfected

TG: by the DRINK

TT: I’m coming over.

Your neck get cold. He’s coming over? NOW?

TG: no no thats coolio

TG: you dont gotta come over

TT: Nope.

TT: I’m coming over

TT: Be right there.

You stare down at yourself. Old T-shirt and sweat pants. You’re lucky you have a bra on. Getting up, you decide to put some actual pants on. The floor moves as you run towards your room. You slip on a stray sock and slam into the wall. It’s painful. Really painful. You stand up and have to bite your tongue to keep from throwing up. When you raise your hand to your forehead, it comes back red and sticky. Blood. You hear a sudden screech of tires and a pounding at your door.

“Jus’ a minute!”

Gripping to wall, you make your way to the door. It takes a minute to unlock, but when you do, it swings open quickly. You have to sit back down. Looking up, you see triangle glasses and spiky hair.

“Heeeeeey Dirky. What’re you doin’ here?”

“Fuck Roxy. What’d you do?”

“Slipped into the wall. Damn my head hurts.”

He says something, but it’s just fuzz in your ears. You grin up at him, head lolling back. Dirk grabs your face to keep it up, but you can’t see it. You vision goes black at the same time your mind does.

When you wake up, your head throbs. There’s a white wrap on your hand and a bandaid on your head. The boy next to you has his glasses off and his head in his hands. You cough, and his head snaps up. You stare at his eyes. You’ve seen them before, but you’ll never get over how much you love them. So orange and bright.

“You’re awake, thank god.”

“How long was I asleep?”

Your mouth feels like cotton, and you don’t like it.

“A couple hours. Long enough for you to stop slurring.”

Fuck. That means you’re not drunk. Which is a bad situation all around. You need a drink soon, but with Dirk around..

“You need to leave.”

“What? I’m not leaving you after you passed out from hitting the wall.”

“Please just go.”

“Look, Roxy-“

“GET OUT.”

You stand to emphasize the statement, but immediately sit back down. Your head’s spinning as Dirk sits next to you, holding your shoulders up. They tingle at the touch.

“I’m not leaving, Rox. You’re hurt.”

Your stomach twists at his words. Things are never good when you’re sober. You look up at his eyes. They look so angry. The rest of his face is soft, but his eyes look pissed. He must hate you for this. Dragging him here. Yelling at him. Hurting him. The others would if they had come. Jake and Jane. You groan, hunching over.

"Roxy?"

You realize it's the soberity talking, but you're supposed to be happier when you're sober. More confident. Which means it has to be true. Him hating you. You hating you.

"Dirk how much..."

"What is it."

"How much do you hate me?"

"What?! Why would you think I hated you?"

"I'm always d-drunk. And you always seem... really mad"

He takes your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him.

"I don't hate you Rox."

"But-"

Dirk cuts you off with a hug. You squeeze your arms around him, gripping the fabric of his shirt. He rubs your back, untensing your muscles.

"Roxy."

"Hmmm."

"Why do you drink?"

You straighten you back and pull away. His face is completely serious. Yours must look horrified.You scoot back to your pillow, staring at the sheets. He takes you hand a squeezed it. You bite your lip.

"Don't answer that. Stupid question. I'm sorry I-"

"No it's okay."

He shuts his stammering as you take a deep breath.

"I don't know that you wanna hear it, but I'll tell you."

Dirk nods his head, gripping your hand tighter. You swallow sober fear and tell your story.

"So every kid wants to be rebellious. but I guess I took it to the extreme? Mom always had a bunch of alcohol around the house and never drank any. So I tried this one and it was really sweet. I was like nine. How fucked up is that. After a while I started feeling really bad. Like the reason Mom was never home was because of me. It was book tour stuff. Still is. But I just blamed myself."

You pause to take a breath. His jaw is set and his eyes are closed.

"Then when I was thirteen, I started feeling guilty about the drinking. Because of you guys. You were so NICE. And I was just this drunk kid. And I tried to stop. I really did. But I couldn't Dirk."

He's squeezing your hand so hard it hurts, but you won't make him quit.

"And I just... HATE IT. I hate it so much and that's why I'm never sober Dirk. Because I hate myself way too much and I delude myself into thinking I have a chance at this. Thinking I have a chance at you. But everything's off limits. Like a regular life! But goddammit Dirk why can't I just be NORMAL."

You're sobbing and he's holding you in his arms. Gripping your shoulders in a mad attempt to calm you down. You're completely limp and crying.

"I wouldn't love you if you were normal, Roxy."

You choke. He couldn't mean that. He couldn't

"You c-can't mean that."

"Of fucking course I mean that. You think I'm gonna lie to you?"

You smile into his shoulder.

"Roxy, I have another question."

"Shoot Distrizzle."

He winces at the nickname, but you wince worse at his question.

"Why are there bloody tissues on the floor?"

You bite your lip so hard it splits.

"Th-that's not blood. I... haha... was painting-"

"Rolal, I strife with my Bro everyday. I know what a bloody tissue looks like."

You mentally curse yourself for not cleaning your room. He's seeing through you.

"Um. We ran out of pads? I had to improvise, y'know how it is..."

"In straight fucking lines Roxy?"

He grabs you face again. It's becoming a habit. Strange and sweet. Dirk worries his lip. You swallow hard, and he grabs your wrists with so much force it scares you.

"Roxy, tell me you didn't. Please tell me you didn't"

You stare at his shirt as he looks over your arms.

"N-not there.."

"Where then. Where the FUCK did you do it."

"Stomach and l-legs."

His hands hover over the hem as he realizes what he's doing. You give him a shaky nod. He pushes the shirt up under your breasts and stares at your stomach. It's crisscrossed with cuts, scars, scabs. You expect him to look disgusted. He doesn't. He just looks sad. His fingers brush over an old one. You close your eyes. It feels good. He does it again. You smile lightly. You can tell he's confused by the way he hesitates before running over more. It's not sexual. It just feels filling and tingly. He rakes his nails up your stomach before kissing you. His lips are soft. Heavy. You dig your fingers into his shoulders and he drags his back down your stomach. Accidentally re-opening a recent one. You gasp back air. Dirk looks at you and back down to his hands. He scrambles in his pockets before pulling out a bandaid.

"Shit. I'm sorry Roxy. Fuck fuck fu-"

You place a finger over his lips, silencing him. His eyebrows furrow as he sticks the bandaid on you.

"Dirk it's okay. My fault. Don't worry."

He pulls you flush to his body. He's warm. Comforting. Kisses are planted on you neck, hair, face, eyes, anywhere visible.

"Don't do it anymore, Roxy."

Your lip wobbles. You're threatening to cry again. You can't stop for more than five minutes. He squeezes you tighter.

"It's hard Dirk."

"I know but you have to."

"But-"

"No. Buts."

He pulls you back and stares you down. Eyebrows furrowed and mouth pulled shut. You tell him what he wants to hear and he runs his fingers over the scars again. You kiss him and he kisses you and it's heaven because goddamn you've been wanting this. For him to hold you. Make you feel better. Kiss you. _TOUCH_ you. Take your guilt and throw it out the window. It's still there, but it's lessening with every lip lock. Every finger brush. Every short inhale of air.

He pulls back and wraps you in your blanket.

"Sleep. You need it."

He gets up and you panic.

"Dirk! P-please.. stay tonight.."

He smiles at you.

"I was going to. It's too late to leave now."

You stare at him a second before braving you next request.

"Sleep with me?"

He sighs and nods. You scoot back, making room for him. He lies next to you, and you wrap your arms around his torso. He clicks the lamp off before returning the favor.

"Night Dirky."

"Night Roxy."

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been hunting for Dirk/Roxy fanfics, and I can't ever find any really feely ones. It's a problem.  
> SO  
> I made one  
> I hope you liked it. Feedback is ALWAYS appreciated.  
> (like seriously guys what can i do to improve)  
> But, This is my first work in MONTHS  
> Love y'all  
> ~ORANGEMARTINI FOREVER YO


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